In a recent coaching session, a moment of clarity hit me—and my client—in a way that’s still bouncing around in my head. We were digging deep into what drives them, and they realized something big: recognition is what lights their fire. Acknowledgment from others, a simple “well done,” or even a sense of being seen and valued was their fuel. When I told them to lean into what motivates them, they paused and asked me, “But is that okay? Is it right to need that?”

My answer? A very unfiltered, who the fuck cares what makes you tick? If it motivates you, if it propels you forward, then lean into it without guilt. That moment got me thinking: does the motivator really matter? Let’s unpack that, with a little help from psychological theory and some real-world coaching insights.

Motivation: The Fuel Behind Human Behavior

Motivation, in its simplest form, is what pushes us to act. It’s deeply personal and often shaped by a mix of intrinsic (internal) and extrinsic (external) factors. In psychology, motivation is broadly categorized into two types:

• Intrinsic Motivation: This comes from within. You’re driven by curiosity, personal growth, or the sheer joy of doing something.

• Extrinsic Motivation: This comes from outside sources—recognition, rewards, social validation, or even avoiding negative consequences.

  
  

Traditional thinking often places intrinsic motivation on a pedestal. It’s considered “pure” and aligned with your authentic self. On the other hand, extrinsic motivation has sometimes been labeled as shallow or less meaningful. But here’s the thing: real life is messy. For most people, motivation is a cocktail of both.

Lean Into What Works

When my client questioned whether their craving for recognition was “okay,” it was a reminder of how often we judge ourselves for needing external validation. There’s this pervasive cultural narrative that we should be able to self-motivate purely from within, without relying on external rewards. But let’s be honest: few people operate in a vacuum.

Research in psychology supports the idea that extrinsic motivators, like recognition, aren’t inherently bad. According to Self-Determination Theory (SDT) by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, motivation exists on a spectrum. External motivators, when internalized and aligned with your values, can be incredibly powerful. For example, if recognition makes you feel valued and that drives you to excel, it’s not a weakness—it’s a strength.

And here’s the kicker: studies show that extrinsic motivators often lead to intrinsic ones over time. That “thank you” or public acknowledgment might inspire you to deepen your commitment and take pride in your work, fueling an internal sense of purpose.

Permission to Own Your Motivation

The real issue isn’t what motivates you—it’s whether or not you give yourself permission to embrace it. Many of us spend far too much energy worrying about whether our motivators are “right” or “wrong.” But motivation is deeply personal. What works for you might not work for someone else, and that’s okay.

If recognition lights you up, own it. If financial security drives you, chase it. If competition makes you sharper, let it. There’s no universal formula for what should motivate someone.

The trap lies in two places:

1. Shaming Yourself: Feeling guilty for wanting what you want diminishes your energy.

2. Ignoring What Drives You: Denying your natural motivators because they don’t fit some idealized image can leave you stuck.

The Practical Application

For anyone struggling with whether their motivators are “valid,” here’s what I tell my clients:

1. Identify Your Motivators: Be honest with yourself. Recognition, money, freedom, growth, creativity—whatever it is, name it.

2. Lean Into It Without Judgment: Stop overthinking whether it’s acceptable. If it works for you, it works.

3. Align It With Your Goals: Motivation is a tool. Use it strategically to drive actions that align with your bigger vision.

Does the Motivator Matter?

So, does the motivator matter? My answer: not really. What matters is that it works for you. If it propels you forward and helps you achieve your goals, it doesn’t need a moral stamp of approval.

Let go of the pressure to have a textbook-perfect source of inspiration. Instead, focus on the results you’re creating and the progress you’re making. Because at the end of the day, what motivates you is part of who you are—and that’s worth leaning into unapologetically.

By recognizing and embracing your unique motivators, you can unlock new levels of clarity, drive, and success. So, stop asking whether it’s okay and start using it to your advantage.

After all, the world doesn’t care what lights your fire—it only cares that you’re lit.

Looking for more coaching insights? Stay tuned for actionable advice on embracing your authentic self and driving your personal growth.